Food For Thought: Calm a fearful heart

‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.’Philippians 4:6

‘Be still, and know that I am God.’Psalm 46:10

As a mother, I often feel rushed, as if I don’t have time, time to gather my thoughts, time for myself, time to be still or time to take a deep breathe. It’s the endless things to do, the never ending things to clean, to sort, to fold, etc. The stress then triggers anxiety and it all feels as if I can’t breathe and time continues to move forward.

Aside from my Chiari + Syringomyelia I also have Hypothyroidism. I’ve been taking medication for the Hypothyroidism for a number of years, maybe 10 plus years. However, for the past couple of years it’s become an area of concern – this year having the symptoms worsening. I had decided to tackle my Syringomyelia first before taking on another health challenge – one thing at a time.

I’ve been a ‘responsible’ adult and made my list of things that need to be done to get to the ‘bottom’ of all this. I’ve seen a second opinion with a well known Endocrinologist – check, had my blood tested for him – check, had an ultrasound of my throat – check and finally Wednesday, saw the throat specialist or ENT, also known as the Otolaryngologist – check. As you know with the mountain of paper work that needs to get filled out when it’s the first visit, I listed my medications, surgeries, symptoms, etc. There he noticed one of my symptoms was vertigo and recommend I see a colleague of his to check my ears – sometimes an unknown issue with the ears can cause vertigo and imbalance. I’ve had my ears check before and nothing was found, but I’ll get them checked again – it doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion.

So, the outcome of my visit today with the ENT, I need to get a CT Scan done of my throat because lo and behold, a CT Scan gives better results than an ultrasound! After that, a biopsy, my ultrasound shows thyroid nodules that need to get tested, more than anything he wants to confirm it’s not cancerous either. And then from there he’ll determine and we’ll collectively decide if surgery is an option and or necessary.

Yet, with all of this my heart is still, calm and at peace. May I be numb to surgeries, numb to never ending health issues that arise, so used to taking medication that have been tested to help me feel any sense of ‘normalcy’? Or am I just naive? I’m not sure, maybe it’s a mix of it all.

I do however know that there’s someone ahead of it all, someone who helps me not fear, not worry so much, not feel useless or hopeless, someone who gives me hope and is the one to calm my heart and is my rock as I sit in the doctors office as he reads me the results. He calms my anxiety and helps me stand to face yet another health concern and potential surgery. It is He who gets me through it all, and it is He who doesn’t leave my side.

Today I think of all those whom received unpleasant news yesterday or today, either it’s yourself or someone close to you, I think of you. Please know, you’re not alone, do not fear and know that there is hope during this time.

He is with you helping you be still. And it is He who reminds you that He is God.

Blessing to all.

A-

Photo: Luke Palmer

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The Liebster Award

I can not be anymore excited about this … I was nominated for the Liebster Award by the amazing writer/blogger over at Reveuse!!!! Mahee please know I can not thank you enough for thinking about this little blog that could. I’m both humbled and thankful for this nomination. Your writing is both lovely as it is uplifting and I hope that you continue to inspire others the way you inspire me.

About the Award

The Liebster is an award given to new and upcoming blogs, as nominated by fellow bloggers, in order to give exposure and foster a community of recognition and appreciation. The award was first implemented in 2011, and has been in place each year since.

The official rules for 2018 are as follows, and can be found in entirety on the blog The Global Aussie, at https://theglobalaussie.com/liebster-award-2018/

Rules — Overviews

⇒ Link to official rules blog post in your Liebster Award blog post
⇒ Answer the questions given to you (11)
⇒ Create more questions for your nominees to answer (11)
⇒ Comment on the official rules blog post with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster Award nomination post.
⇒ Entries start 1st of Jan 2018 and ends on the 25th Dec 2018. The winner will be picked on the 31st of December.

Rules 

• Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

• Answer the questions you were asked.

• Share 10 random facts about yourself.

• Nominate at least 3 blogs for the award.

• Ask your nominees 10 questions and inform them of the nomination.

Facts About Me

1. I love to bake – anything from birthday cakes to cupcakes to brownies to chocolate chip / sugar cookies to flan and I also love to try new recipes – however, I will not eat my own baking creations

2. I need like to be in control 

3. I’m impatient with people that talk in circles ultimately wanting to feed me BS – honesty is key

4. I’m a stickler with time and appreciate people that arrive on time

5. I love to laugh! And appreciate good mom jokes 🙂

6. Would choose white chocolate over any other candy – is chocolate considered candy?!

7. I love a good sale!

8. My favorite color is money green … just kidding no I’m not just green!

9. Obsessed with Disney movies and can watch them on repeat without a problem … did I mention I have little ones 🙂

10. I DO NOT, I mean DO NOT like scary movies such as the Shining or movies with underwater scenes such as Jaws. I love a good funny movie such as The Hangover

Questions and My Answers 

1. Why did you start writing your blog? After going back and forth for a few years out of fear of the unknown but passionate about my own journey with Chiari 1 Malformation + Syringomyelia, I finally did it! I want to raise awareness on Chiari and only hope to connect with others living with the same illness.  

2. Do you believe in God? Yes – He’s the reason I’m here today! Yes I am weak, I have my moments where I doubt His presence in my life because of what I live with, however as today’s gospel from Matthew 28:16-20 said, ‘I am with you always, to the very end of age.’ No, I didn’t know that by heart, I had to go back and get that for you!  🙂   I underwent very risky and life changing surgeries that could have put me six feet under. I am positive I am here for a reason(s), why, I can’t quite put my finger on that but I can only hope to be humble enough to understand why one day. 

3. What’s your favorite cuisine? Thai

4. Sunrise or Sunset? Sunset 

5. Which was the happiest moment in your life? I’ll choose moments – my little one’s births. No book, no movie, not listening to others experiences, absolutely nothing can prepare you for the birth of your child. I’ve had them via cesarean  and that first cry, that first meeting between baby and mother is breath taking. I have no words and can only pray you experience it for yourself. 

6. Define yourself in one word. Dreamer 

7. What’s your favorite book? The one book that I can remember that had me wanting to read it again, is The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. I read it when I was young and I was immediately drawn to it. 

8. What’s your favorite quote? ‘You’ve got to put your past behind you’ – Timon, The Lion King. So simple, yet it’s better said than done. If achieved though, I believe it can really be the only freeing thing you can do for yourself. 

9. If you are given 10000000 cash what would you do? Cash, wow, not even a check?! Nice! Ha! OK, I’d buy that purse I’ve been eyeing, travel and eat yummy food

10. What’s the thing that you hate the most? People that complain! And whine!

11. What’s the best quality that you see in your best friend? Please don’t feel bad or sorry or anything remotely close to that, but I do not have a ‘best friend.’ Maybe I used to, say in high school, not sure. But I believe people come and go from your life for many different reasons, so to give someone a title like ‘best friend,’ personally is setting too high of expectations on one being and ultimately resulting in me being disappointed. However, a quality(s) I best admire in friends are honesty, faithful/trusting and dependability.  

Questions 

 1. Why did you start writing your blog?

2. Do you believe in God?

3. What’s your favorite cusine?

4. Sunrise or Sunset?

5. Which was the happiest moment in your life?

6. Define yourself in one word.

7. What’s your favorite book?

8. What’s your favorite quote?

9. If you are given 10000000 cash what would you do?

10. What’s the thing that you hate the most?

11. What’s the best quality that you see in your best friend?

My Nominees 

1. Magic In The Everyday

2.Simply Chronically Ill

3. My Li’l Place

Nominees, I appreciate your love for writing and continue to admire it in every one of your posts. Enjoy!

A-

Finding peace amongst the chaos in life

I always try to keep in mind that I am not the only one that is going through rough patches in life. May it be a loss, a break up, experiencing some mommy/daddy guilt, don’t understand why things happen, don’t understand how things have happened, how I got here, wish things were different, etc. you get the idea. If you’ve followed my short journey, you know that I’ve experienced life changing surgeries due to Chiari + Syringomyelia. Although many times I’ve tried to put it behind me, there is always something that happens in my day that reminds me of my disability. You know those moments, where you are trying to go about life while trying to forget other parts of your life as well? What do you do? Do you confront them head on, do you even acknowledge them? I know a lot of times we, or rather I, try to put my best foot forward, have my best attitude or simply try to mask what I’m feeling with other more prettier things. This can absolutely happen in this world that is so consumed by technology and phone applications, like Instagram and Facebook. I personally think these outlets pressure us into thinking reality is too ugly to post. But, masking reality can be so exhausting, especially for someone like myself, being a full-time stay at home mom and dealing with chronic pain. It’s exhausting! I know I vent to my wonderful therapist, but I know others don’t have that outlet, either you choose not to or can’t for whatever reason.

I grew up in a relatively strict religious home and was taught at an early age to turn to the Lord for comfort and do His holy will. At the same time and you can read more about it here, I am also a firm believer in finding professional help for things like depression, anxiety, etc. Lately however, hence my reasons for my continued therapeutic sessions have been questioning other things. Have you found yourself there? I’m there. I’m not sure where you find your peace amongst the chaos in life, where do you find your happiness, where do you find your smile, is it in your children, your religion, spouse or partner? I know at times the plans my 15 or even 18 year old self had suddenly come to mind and then reality strikes and there’re the reminder of how none of that happened. However, I also know and am reminded that, you can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will always prevail. What does this mean, well, that if you and I don’t see our life the way we’d imagined it, know that it is however going the way the Lord has planned it. So powerful, yet I still go back and forth with the Lord, like a small child coming back to me after I’ve told them no. Can we compare it that way? Are we that nagging child asking the Lord, why don’t things go my way? As the priest put it on Easter Vigil this year and as you can see, it struck a cord with me, he said, “do you think God made a mistake with you, do you think the bastard sitting next to you isn’t for you?” – aka your spouse. HAHA! There’s nothing like hearing a homily that delivers and gives you a good laugh at the same time.

So, whether you are religious or not, whether you seek in the Lord or not, whether you turn to prayer or not, we are all seeking the same thing, peace and to love and be loved. We are all trying to be seen and heard. If you’re in this same space as myself, I tell you, don’t give up, find support, find the courage to find your voice and ask for help.

Also, know that your struggle is part of your journey. And as the scripture says, “this too shall pass, worries, hardships, and the things of this world are temporary, eternity is forever.” And you my friend are perfectly imperfect and that’s OK.

Ana-

Photo: Aaron Burden