Dear Ex – A Letter

‘The Angry Therapist’ with John Kim – a therapist, is a podcast I follow. I appreciate listening to his honest opinion from his point of view. A great podcast to follow. He also has great content on his Instagram page – follow him there as well.

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I’ve been wanting to share this one for a while and have finally allowed myself to be untied and unbothered by the what if’s of people and this often judgmental world. I tend to overthink things, what people will say, what the ‘ex’ will think, what, what and what. And in sharing this, this is not to ‘stir the pot’ as they say, or dig into something that’s been left in the past. This is for me, no one else, but me. Also, hoping that you can see yourself in this, and can find comfort in this, or if you know someone that can benefit from this letter, so that you may share it as well.

This episode is titled, ‘Dear Ex, I have something to tell you.’ As he mentions, people have feelings for their ex’s – often ill and don’t know how to move forward. Maybe you’re looking for closure – that’s for a whole other post, for now though, here’s a letter to the ex, letting them know – in a healthy way, that you’re ready to wish them well.

‘Dear Ex, I Have Something To Tell You’ episode from

‘The Angry Therapist’ podcast with John Kim

Dear Ex,

Can we share a moment, a new  one? With nothing attached, forgetting everything we were and why things didn’t work. Releasing all judgment and what if’s. Can we share a moment, just one, where I can see you now – today, as a human being minus expectations, ideas of love, what went wrong and the crumbled check list we had peaking from our back pockets. Can we share the fears before we kissed because those felt real. Can we just be without labels, or dissecting dynamics. For one moment, can I experience you without us. Not to spark or reignite anything but to be reminded that we are nothing more than two people who ran towards something they felt but fell. With scrapped knees and a half smile, can we could just look at each other and laugh, knowing we were fools, but also stood on courage, we believed in something and even if it was short lived, that belief is what love is about, not the promise. Can we share a brand new experience based on what is, because the world doesn’t believe we should, because we’re suppose to close our hearts and look straight ahead waiting for someone new, as if love runs out. Because I miss you before we were we.

* This letter doesn’t mean that … I want to be with you again, this doesn’t mean that I want anything from you. This means that I see you as a human being and I acknowledge what we went through and I’m sorry for the pain. This means that I’m letting go of anger, resentment, and things that I’ve been holding on to. This means that the moment that I want to share with you may not be in real time, but it can be now as you’re listening to this. And as you’re listening to this maybe you’re thinking the same thing and if you are, then that’s all I want. Can we respect each other as human beings. Can we know that what happened wasn’t intentional but came from a place of truth at the time and there’s no more bad feelings. There’s no more anger. And I forgive you. And I hope you forgive me. And this doesn’t mean that we need to see each other again. This just means that we shared a bed and that means something. And this means that, just because we are not in each others lives anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, or I’m not thinking about you. Not in a way that I want a round two, or a round three, or a round four. In a way that I see you as human and I’m throwing love at you.

Happy Wednesday.

A-

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Reblog Wednesday: A Six-Word Story — HappymessHappiness

There have been times when I’ve felt unworthy, unworthy of love – of being loved, unworthy of blessings, of happiness, simply unworthy. And then things happen, time passes and I realize that I too deserve happiness, I too deserve blessings on blessings. I remember that there is no perfect being walking on this earth and that I try. I try my best as a mother, wife, sister and daughter, and that I strive. I strive to be better and do better than I did yesterday. As this lovely post by Happymess Happiness so perfectly in just but a few words put it – ‘Even broken things can be loved.’ Indeed.

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So, if you feel defeated, lonely, unhappy, grieving, in pain – broken, just know that you too can be loved, broken and all.

A-

Even broken things can be loved.

via A Six-Word Story — HappymessHappiness

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Finding peace amongst the chaos in life

I always try to keep in mind that I am not the only one that is going through rough patches in life. May it be a loss, a break up, experiencing some mommy/daddy guilt, don’t understand why things happen, don’t understand how things have happened, how I got here, wish things were different, etc. you get the idea. If you’ve followed my short journey, you know that I’ve experienced life changing surgeries due to Chiari + Syringomyelia. Although many times I’ve tried to put it behind me, there is always something that happens in my day that reminds me of my disability. You know those moments, where you are trying to go about life while trying to forget other parts of your life as well? What do you do? Do you confront them head on, do you even acknowledge them? I know a lot of times we, or rather I, try to put my best foot forward, have my best attitude or simply try to mask what I’m feeling with other more prettier things. This can absolutely happen in this world that is so consumed by technology and phone applications, like Instagram and Facebook. I personally think these outlets pressure us into thinking reality is too ugly to post. But, masking reality can be so exhausting, especially for someone like myself, being a full-time stay at home mom and dealing with chronic pain. It’s exhausting! I know I vent to my wonderful therapist, but I know others don’t have that outlet, either you choose not to or can’t for whatever reason.

I grew up in a relatively strict religious home and was taught at an early age to turn to the Lord for comfort and do His holy will. At the same time and you can read more about it here, I am also a firm believer in finding professional help for things like depression, anxiety, etc. Lately however, hence my reasons for my continued therapeutic sessions have been questioning other things. Have you found yourself there? I’m there. I’m not sure where you find your peace amongst the chaos in life, where do you find your happiness, where do you find your smile, is it in your children, your religion, spouse or partner? I know at times the plans my 15 or even 18 year old self had suddenly come to mind and then reality strikes and there’re the reminder of how none of that happened. However, I also know and am reminded that, you can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will always prevail. What does this mean, well, that if you and I don’t see our life the way we’d imagined it, know that it is however going the way the Lord has planned it. So powerful, yet I still go back and forth with the Lord, like a small child coming back to me after I’ve told them no. Can we compare it that way? Are we that nagging child asking the Lord, why don’t things go my way? As the priest put it on Easter Vigil this year and as you can see, it struck a cord with me, he said, “do you think God made a mistake with you, do you think the bastard sitting next to you isn’t for you?” – aka your spouse. HAHA! There’s nothing like hearing a homily that delivers and gives you a good laugh at the same time.

So, whether you are religious or not, whether you seek in the Lord or not, whether you turn to prayer or not, we are all seeking the same thing, peace and to love and be loved. We are all trying to be seen and heard. If you’re in this same space as myself, I tell you, don’t give up, find support, find the courage to find your voice and ask for help.

Also, know that your struggle is part of your journey. And as the scripture says, “this too shall pass, worries, hardships, and the things of this world are temporary, eternity is forever.” And you my friend are perfectly imperfect and that’s OK.

Ana-

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