Dear Ex – A Letter

‘The Angry Therapist’ with John Kim – a therapist, is a podcast I follow. I appreciate listening to his honest opinion from his point of view. A great podcast to follow. He also has great content on his Instagram page – follow him there as well.

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I’ve been wanting to share this one for a while and have finally allowed myself to be untied and unbothered by the what if’s of people and this often judgmental world. I tend to overthink things, what people will say, what the ‘ex’ will think, what, what and what. And in sharing this, this is not to ‘stir the pot’ as they say, or dig into something that’s been left in the past. This is for me, no one else, but me. Also, hoping that you can see yourself in this, and can find comfort in this, or if you know someone that can benefit from this letter, so that you may share it as well.

This episode is titled, ‘Dear Ex, I have something to tell you.’ As he mentions, people have feelings for their ex’s – often ill and don’t know how to move forward. Maybe you’re looking for closure – that’s for a whole other post, for now though, here’s a letter to the ex, letting them know – in a healthy way, that you’re ready to wish them well.

‘Dear Ex, I Have Something To Tell You’ episode from

‘The Angry Therapist’ podcast with John Kim

Dear Ex,

Can we share a moment, a new  one? With nothing attached, forgetting everything we were and why things didn’t work. Releasing all judgment and what if’s. Can we share a moment, just one, where I can see you now – today, as a human being minus expectations, ideas of love, what went wrong and the crumbled check list we had peaking from our back pockets. Can we share the fears before we kissed because those felt real. Can we just be without labels, or dissecting dynamics. For one moment, can I experience you without us. Not to spark or reignite anything but to be reminded that we are nothing more than two people who ran towards something they felt but fell. With scrapped knees and a half smile, can we could just look at each other and laugh, knowing we were fools, but also stood on courage, we believed in something and even if it was short lived, that belief is what love is about, not the promise. Can we share a brand new experience based on what is, because the world doesn’t believe we should, because we’re suppose to close our hearts and look straight ahead waiting for someone new, as if love runs out. Because I miss you before we were we.

* This letter doesn’t mean that … I want to be with you again, this doesn’t mean that I want anything from you. This means that I see you as a human being and I acknowledge what we went through and I’m sorry for the pain. This means that I’m letting go of anger, resentment, and things that I’ve been holding on to. This means that the moment that I want to share with you may not be in real time, but it can be now as you’re listening to this. And as you’re listening to this maybe you’re thinking the same thing and if you are, then that’s all I want. Can we respect each other as human beings. Can we know that what happened wasn’t intentional but came from a place of truth at the time and there’s no more bad feelings. There’s no more anger. And I forgive you. And I hope you forgive me. And this doesn’t mean that we need to see each other again. This just means that we shared a bed and that means something. And this means that, just because we are not in each others lives anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, or I’m not thinking about you. Not in a way that I want a round two, or a round three, or a round four. In a way that I see you as human and I’m throwing love at you.

Happy Wednesday.

A-

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The Liebster Award

I can not be anymore excited about this … I was nominated for the Liebster Award by the amazing writer/blogger over at Reveuse!!!! Mahee please know I can not thank you enough for thinking about this little blog that could. I’m both humbled and thankful for this nomination. Your writing is both lovely as it is uplifting and I hope that you continue to inspire others the way you inspire me.

About the Award

The Liebster is an award given to new and upcoming blogs, as nominated by fellow bloggers, in order to give exposure and foster a community of recognition and appreciation. The award was first implemented in 2011, and has been in place each year since.

The official rules for 2018 are as follows, and can be found in entirety on the blog The Global Aussie, at https://theglobalaussie.com/liebster-award-2018/

Rules — Overviews

⇒ Link to official rules blog post in your Liebster Award blog post
⇒ Answer the questions given to you (11)
⇒ Create more questions for your nominees to answer (11)
⇒ Comment on the official rules blog post with a link DIRECTLY to your Liebster Award nomination post.
⇒ Entries start 1st of Jan 2018 and ends on the 25th Dec 2018. The winner will be picked on the 31st of December.

Rules 

• Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

• Answer the questions you were asked.

• Share 10 random facts about yourself.

• Nominate at least 3 blogs for the award.

• Ask your nominees 10 questions and inform them of the nomination.

Facts About Me

1. I love to bake – anything from birthday cakes to cupcakes to brownies to chocolate chip / sugar cookies to flan and I also love to try new recipes – however, I will not eat my own baking creations

2. I need like to be in control 

3. I’m impatient with people that talk in circles ultimately wanting to feed me BS – honesty is key

4. I’m a stickler with time and appreciate people that arrive on time

5. I love to laugh! And appreciate good mom jokes 🙂

6. Would choose white chocolate over any other candy – is chocolate considered candy?!

7. I love a good sale!

8. My favorite color is money green … just kidding no I’m not just green!

9. Obsessed with Disney movies and can watch them on repeat without a problem … did I mention I have little ones 🙂

10. I DO NOT, I mean DO NOT like scary movies such as the Shining or movies with underwater scenes such as Jaws. I love a good funny movie such as The Hangover

Questions and My Answers 

1. Why did you start writing your blog? After going back and forth for a few years out of fear of the unknown but passionate about my own journey with Chiari 1 Malformation + Syringomyelia, I finally did it! I want to raise awareness on Chiari and only hope to connect with others living with the same illness.  

2. Do you believe in God? Yes – He’s the reason I’m here today! Yes I am weak, I have my moments where I doubt His presence in my life because of what I live with, however as today’s gospel from Matthew 28:16-20 said, ‘I am with you always, to the very end of age.’ No, I didn’t know that by heart, I had to go back and get that for you!  🙂   I underwent very risky and life changing surgeries that could have put me six feet under. I am positive I am here for a reason(s), why, I can’t quite put my finger on that but I can only hope to be humble enough to understand why one day. 

3. What’s your favorite cuisine? Thai

4. Sunrise or Sunset? Sunset 

5. Which was the happiest moment in your life? I’ll choose moments – my little one’s births. No book, no movie, not listening to others experiences, absolutely nothing can prepare you for the birth of your child. I’ve had them via cesarean  and that first cry, that first meeting between baby and mother is breath taking. I have no words and can only pray you experience it for yourself. 

6. Define yourself in one word. Dreamer 

7. What’s your favorite book? The one book that I can remember that had me wanting to read it again, is The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. I read it when I was young and I was immediately drawn to it. 

8. What’s your favorite quote? ‘You’ve got to put your past behind you’ – Timon, The Lion King. So simple, yet it’s better said than done. If achieved though, I believe it can really be the only freeing thing you can do for yourself. 

9. If you are given 10000000 cash what would you do? Cash, wow, not even a check?! Nice! Ha! OK, I’d buy that purse I’ve been eyeing, travel and eat yummy food

10. What’s the thing that you hate the most? People that complain! And whine!

11. What’s the best quality that you see in your best friend? Please don’t feel bad or sorry or anything remotely close to that, but I do not have a ‘best friend.’ Maybe I used to, say in high school, not sure. But I believe people come and go from your life for many different reasons, so to give someone a title like ‘best friend,’ personally is setting too high of expectations on one being and ultimately resulting in me being disappointed. However, a quality(s) I best admire in friends are honesty, faithful/trusting and dependability.  

Questions 

 1. Why did you start writing your blog?

2. Do you believe in God?

3. What’s your favorite cusine?

4. Sunrise or Sunset?

5. Which was the happiest moment in your life?

6. Define yourself in one word.

7. What’s your favorite book?

8. What’s your favorite quote?

9. If you are given 10000000 cash what would you do?

10. What’s the thing that you hate the most?

11. What’s the best quality that you see in your best friend?

My Nominees 

1. Magic In The Everyday

2.Simply Chronically Ill

3. My Li’l Place

Nominees, I appreciate your love for writing and continue to admire it in every one of your posts. Enjoy!

A-

Hard Mom Days: A Kindhearted Woman Gains Respect

The topic of motherhood can be a bit of a free for all – some think that either you’re doing too little or not enough and their need to give unsolicited advice to tell you what you should be doing with your children. This is why, I always choose to hold opinions of others to myself. As I myself run on survival mode.

So, I’ll begin by telling you how exhausted I am, how physically draining I feel, how sleepy I feel – that sleep that has you not being able to choose whether to eat or sleep and you choose to sleep, how hungry I feel to have maybe 5 minutes to myself! Not to go out, but rather have 5 minutes without the door to my bedroom or bathroom – because you know you can’t lock the door there, continuously opening with little voices asking where my ‘X’ toy is, where my ‘X’ shoe is, where my green ‘X’ shirt is and the list goes on! Yes I am grateful for the little ones, yes I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have them, yes I know they’re growing up, yes they will grow and leave my home. Yes, yes, yes! But give me a minute to let this out! Give me a moment without judgment! It’s OK as a mom to say, I need a break – and not only on Mother’s Day, a breather, a shower, a time to do my hair, a time to eat without sharing – is that being selfish? And a time for rest!

What a week it’s been!! I have a house full of sick kids – and I won’t remind you how many there are, because the school going children tend to bring home all the germs they can gather and then spread them to the little ones. You know, that snowball effect?! And the only not-so sick child I had, today woke up throwing up. Welcome to motherhood! The land of the unknown, where anything can happen and where all things change at any given moment. Also, where your title as mom can quickly shift from mom to nurse to lullaby singer to clean up crew person of projectile things that come out of little ones mouth to sleep rocker of sick children, just name a few. And then just like that, it’s 4 am. I am so thankful that on most days, I can gather enough strength and not take out my chronic physical pain onto the children. We mothers can do that so quickly – especially when we are exhausted and running on no sleep. If I feel overwhelmed with the children, I give myself a time out. I take this time – be it 5 minutes or 2, to practice my breathing, gather and center myself. Because as mother’s we choose which road to take with each particular child of ours. The impatient child – that can test our own patience, the not-so still child, the loud child to the one that never seems to stop the crying.

‘A kindhearted woman gains respect’ from Proverbs 11:16 is such an encouraging scripture, it serves as a reminder how yelling and anything other than showing respect to the little ones is not a solution to solving a chaotic situation. Because when I’m tired, when I haven’t had the time to eat and had very little sleep, I can get mean, fast. The voice gets higher and I get snappy. So, this is a beautiful reminder to be kind and from my kindness the children will respond kindly in return. It’s so refreshing to know that in any ‘hard’ mom day, through your actions as a mom, you will gain your children’s respect.

‘As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.’ – Isaiah 66:13 I often think that I am giving my all, to my children to my home to my spouse and at times ask, what about me, where do I stand, who comforts me?! Because as a mother, I comfort my little ones, at homework time – encouraging them, when they fall – healing them, when they can’t sleep – comforting them and when they feel scared – loving them. I say them because it makes me feel less of a priority and feel myself being pushed more and more to the far back of the line. However, this verse reminds me that I am a priority, that I am loved and that I am comforted by the most faithful of them all. With this He reminds me that as I comfort my child, He also comforts me – and you.

Hope you’ve had a wonderful Sunday.

A-